my portion thoughts, findable later

Deut 3:21-29

v 21 - the two kings were Sihon, King of Heshbon (Deut. 2:24-32) & Og, King of Bashan (Deut. 3:1-11).

With Sihon, Moses offered peace for safe passage through the land, but Sihon refused because God had made his spirit stubborn. (v 29) I find this interesting because Moses offered the 'right' or peaceful alternative but God arranged the spirit of his advesary to offer war instead. Then Israel passed through the land and destroyed everything - men, women, children. The saved the livestock and took it with them. They did not touch the land of the Ammonites.

Og's kingdom met with the same fate and again Israel took the livestock with them.

Both victories were examples of God's provision for Israel in the face of unthinkable odds. 3:5 mentions that the cities were fortified - not easily conquerable as nomadic settlements might be.

v 22 - "Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you."

v 23-25 - Moses pleads with God for entry into the promise land.

v 26-29 - God told Moses that he should stop asking; however, God did grant Moses a view of the land and told him where to go to see it. He instructed Moses to commission Joshua to lead the people to inherit the land that God had promised them.

In the early 1700's Matthew Henry wrote a commentary on the Old Testament, The Gospels and Acts. Here is what he had to say about the text:

Verses 21-29 Moses encouraged Joshua, who was to succeed him. Thus the aged and experienced in the service of God, should do all they can to strengthen the hands of those who are young, and setting out in religion. Consider what God has done, what God has promised. If God be for us, who can be against us, so as to prevail? We reproach our Leader if we follow him trembling. Moses prayed, that, if it were God's will, he might go before Israel, over Jordan into Canaan. We should never allow any desires in our hearts, which we cannot in faith offer up to God by prayer. God's answer to this prayer had a mixture of mercy and judgment. God sees it good to deny many things we desire. He may accept our prayers, yet not grant us the very things we pray for. It God does not by his providence give us what we desire, yet if by his grace he makes us content without, it comes to much the same. Let it suffice thee to have God for thy Father, and heaven for thy portion, though thou hast not every thing thou wouldst have in the world. God promised Moses a sight of Canaan from the top of Pisgah. Though he should not have the possession of it, he should have the prospect of it. Even great believers, in this present state, see heaven but at a distance. God provided him a successor. It is a comfort to the friends of the church of Christ, to see God's work likely to be carried on by others, when they are silent in the dust. And if we have the earnest and prospect of heaven, let these suffice us; let us submit to the Lord's will, and speak no more to Him of matters which he sees good to refuse us.

The part that puzzles me here is why Moses is told to stop asking for what we assume is the desire of his heart - to enter the land. After leading the Israelites out of Egypt and then wandering for 40 years, you would think that Moses 'deserved' to enter the Promised Land. But Moses had disobeyed God's instruction because of lack of trust (stated by the text) so God denied him entry into the Promised Land. (Numbers 20:1-13). I do not understand why Moses striking the rock instead of speaking to it as commanded levied upon him such punishment. God's accusation against Moses is that Moses did not trust God enough to honor Him as holy in the sight of the Israelites. (v. 12) Matthew Henry's commentary points us back to v. 10 and the pride of Moses:

Verses 1-13 After thirty-eight years' tedious abode in the wilderness, the armies of Israel advanced towards Canaan again. There was no water for the congregation. We live in a wanting world, and wherever we are, must expect to meet with something to put us out. It is a great mercy to have plenty of water, a mercy which, if we found the want of, we should more own the worth of. Hereupon they murmured against Moses and Aaron. They spake the same absurd and brutish language their fathers had done. It made their crime the worse, that they had smarted so long for the discontent and distrusts of their fathers, yet they venture in the same steps. Moses must again, in God's name, command water out of a rock for them; God is as able as ever to supply his people with what is needful for them. But Moses and Aaron acted wrong. They took much of the glory of this work of wonder to themselves; "Must we fetch water?" As if it were done by some power or worthiness of their own. They were to speak to the rock, but they smote it. Therefore it is charged upon them, that they did not sanctify God, that is, they did not give to him alone that glory of this miracle which was due unto his name. And being provoked by the people, Moses spake unadvisedly with his lips. The same pride of man would still usurp the office of the appointed Mediator; and become to ourselves wisdom, righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption. Such a state of sinful independence, such a rebellion of the soul against its Saviour, the voice of God condemns in every page of the gospel.

Perhaps Moses was told to stop making his request to enter the land because it was in response to a punishment handed down by God because of Moses' pride and lack of faith. We are told to bring all things to God in prayer and make all requests and petitions known to Him, but perhaps once He has spoken definitively on the issue we are to accept His answer.

I appreciate Matthew Henry's summary of the Deut. text. This beginning of my Torah Portion reminds me again of the provision of God and the necessity that I accept my portion even when it does not appear to be what I desire. God still provided hope for Moses - though not of actual entry. Moses saw the land that God promised to give to Israel. Moses' eyes beheld the fulfillment of that promise, and in faith He believed that God would do all that He said that He would.

Hebrews 11:26 says,

"He[Moses] regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward.

And he saw his perceived reward (if only from a distance) but did not receive his reward (in a sense) because his story (his portion) was bigger than his single life. His portion stretched through the kingship of David, the captivity in Babylon, the time of the prophets, the promise in Malachi 4 and the promise of a Messiah, the Mount of Transfiguration, all the way through Hebrews 11:40 where the writer says, "God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." And in some sense, I share my portion with Moses and he with I in the inheritance we have been promised that has not yet seen fulfillment.

dedicated to many pains in the DR

Song Lyrics

Possessing my Portion

Have you ever noticed that when you learn a new word it seems to pop up everywhere? I have found in my life that often when I hear a new Word it works this same. This week's Word was Psalm 73. Kurt spoke about this passage at Warehouse 242 this past Sunday. His focus was to impress upon us all the significance of the portion which God has given to us, and the loss we experience when we consider the portion of others with envy and ignorance. He gave two beautiful examples of portion (one positive and one humblingly relate-able negative example)and how our portion and our inheritance is certain and it is enough. (You can hear Kurt's message here.)
This past year has provided a lot of time to reflect on my portion. To recognize that my portion may not be 'large' by the standards of others, but it is enough. There are so many 'criteria' that I impose upon God about what portion I will accept - perhaps I can only accept my portion if it includes marriage or if it includes the right job, or if it includes recognition, etc. When all my regular comforts and identifiers were distanced from me (my eloquence, my independence, my friendships, my social position, my material possessions)I realized that although those 'portions' might mean something to me, or to my peers they meant nothing to God. The portion that concerns Him is that which He has given me. My comfort should come in my certainty that my portion (regardless of how it may appear) is enough!
Asaph's Psalm more perfectly expresses my year than anything I can write here. I was at the end of my spiritual rope. I felt I had tied a knot and was hanging on with my fingernails to the belief that God would provide for me. With self-loathing and bitterness I watched the wicked around me prosper while I felt left behind and forgotten by the Savior around whom my life had been shaped. Asaph felt the same thing as a Levite relying on the obedience of the tribes of Israel for his 'portion' or his provision; as an obedient follower, he felt he had followed fruitlessly and was bitter and frustrated with God. Asaph realized, however, that although he could not change the world around him he could rely on God to remain faithful and hold onto him whether he [Asaph] understood his circumstances or not.
"As for me, it is good to be near God." God has given me a portion far greater than any I could compare myself to in shallow envy. I can seek self-satisfaction and find myself always oppressed by my circumstances, or I can recognize that God has a portion for me that is enough that I will never lack.
Tuesday night I attended a city-wide singles worship service called Charlotte One and the passage shared was Psalm 139 which seemed the perfect next step to my ponderings about my 'portion'. My portion is mine because God knows me! He knows me intimately down to the words on my tongue! He has prepared my portion for me because His heart is good; because he is the only one who has the right to do so - because He is God and He is the only one who knows me fully, the only one who ever would have the ability to know me fully, even so much better than I know myself.
As I ponder this word 'portion' I have a conversation with a friend about Messianic Judaism and she mentions to me that when she was in Jerusalem over her 30th birthday, she learned what her Torah 'portion' was. Every year the Torah (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers & Deuteronomy) is read (in weekly readings) during services and the same reading falls on the same week every year (according to the Jewish not he Gregorian calendar). The portion read during your brithday is your Torah Portion. There is also a corresponding Haftarah (the scriptures from the prophets, etc.) Before I muddle this too greatly, let me point you to a few sites where you can find your Torah portion:
The one that my friend Kaite suggested to me is found here,but I also found a site that provided a little more information on Jewish Birthdays here and some additional information on how your birthday and portion is determined here.
My Torah portion is VaEtchanan, Deuteronomy : 3:23-7:11 and my Haftarah portion is Isaiah 40:1 - 40:26. I have not had time to really ponder the Torah portion - it is the section where God forbids Moses to cross the Jordan, gives Israel the Ten Commandments, restates the authority of God, sets aside cities of refuge and gives instruction for entering the land.( here is some info about the passage and the Jewish holidays, etc. surrounding it.) The Haftarah portion is the very famous passage in Isaiah about Comforting Israel & God's greatness. (Which, incidentally leads me to ponder a message I heard by N.T. Wright talking about that passage.)
There will be more postings about portions as I practice possessing my portion and considering it with thankfulness. (and possibly some electronic media artwork as ponderance and practice.)

returning to time away at home

it was a long year away, of that i am sure. in hindsight, i see that it is true that a person can endure almost anything for a year; and despite the unbelievable frustrations, i don't feel that i just survived - i feel i learned.

a lesson is only as good as the length of time that its knowledge is retained. if it took 10 months for me to begin to hold the information God was heaping upon me, how horrible will it be to forget it as soon as the familiar again becomes comfortable.

life comes at you so quickly, especially stateside. media images are everywhere -- i had to ask my parents (who run the t.v. most of the time - watching FOX News) if i could please turn the t.v. off -- music is fine; but the visual images become noise in my brain.
sometimes people and places can become the same kind of noise. sometimes my thoughts alone crowd my head to the point that i am over stimulated (which might answer why i am up writing this blog after midnight.) the t.v. i can turn off - people and my thoughts...that is a bit harder. where is the balance between accepting too much input and holing yourself away and experiencing none.

this is a critical thing to ponder when i put it in real context - that of my quiet time and my prayer life. when there are so many people and so much stimulation it is hard to get away and consider prayer. friends are so much 'easier' to talk to than God. o.k. - i get it, that is a funny thing to say...but my external processing mechanism seems to work with people, where it seems to just be additional internal processing when i pray UNLESS i can stop the other input and focus on the Father. but will i take the time to do so?

one thing is certain to me about the lessons i learned in the D.R. - i will only retain them as long as God remains my focus and my anchor. input and images become idols as soon as they de-seat the Father from the throne He deserves. one of the ways that happens in my life is through over-socialization. being busy socially fills my felt need for quality time with the Father. i recognize that not everyone is built the same way i am; some folks do not replace God with other folks. maybe it is the particular burden of external processors to seek advice from others when they should be spending time with the Father. *shrug* i dunno, but i do know that people, in some form or other, often become my idols.

it is an amazing testimony to my sinfulness that i can known this, and still choose to do what i know is not good for me, nor best, nor most pleasing to God. even as I type this i can think of half a dozen things that i would rather do than quiet my heart and go before the Father. it is really all about instant gratification - talking to others makes whatever issue or topic i am discussing seem more manageable and meaningful. i think this is a valuable tool but i also think it can keep me from what 'feels' like a less prompt pay-off, namely prayer.

God has not shown Himself to be on my schedule so far in my life. usually when i bring something to Him he does not provide an apparent(ly positive) answer to my inquiry in anything that would look to me like a timely fashion. God works according to His own schedule, and that makes me want to dig in my heels and chat with folks who (if from no other reason than politeness) have to respond to me in some way immediately. in fairness, however, were God to write on my wall the answer to whatever inquiry i have brought before Him undoubtedly i would have rationalized it away or argued its interpretation to the point that it was no longer divine at all -- but just as mundane and unknowable as the future always feels from the present.

time management is the beast i have yet to slay. the land i have yet to conquer. (more on the 'land' idea later.) perhaps, how i handle my time is the thing i need to be spending the most time handling -- especially in prayer. so here i go - with less than worthy excitement but more than priceless need to take my concerns (from lesson retention to time management) before the Father to ask Him to bless me though I am undeserving and teach me though I am slow to change.

Our light and momentary afflictions

sometimes we have moments in our lives that we realize that the frustrations and even the sincere pains that we experience are really just moments of inconvenience in the perspective of eternity. we are surrounded by a world of pain and hopelessness; situations so far past our ability to understand and cope with that we shake our head speechless with wonder. we know that these things pass and that new struggles will replace them. we know that sometimes our struggles leave deep scars or spaced of emptiness in our lives and in our stories. this knowledge does not lessen the pain, but it also does not have to increase it. and I am thankful for the times that I realize that the cross that I have taken up willingly is the exact one crafted to fit most easily on my back and shoulders and that there is no shame in carrying with humility and with intention. I have been given only what God intends to provide for and no matter the horror of it, or the disappointment or the incomprehensible pain - whatever the trial, it is but a momentary and light affliction compared to the glory of walking in relationship with my Savior.

The last three weeks

I won't bore all 5 of you with the details of the difficulties of life here, it is just more of the same. The immediate effect is that I had to change the address of my blog because certain people in positions of authority have been using their ability to access it to harrass me about my struggles and prayer requests etc.

The election was last Friday, and it went very smoothly. I have taken pictures and want to write more, but am swamped with finishing school.

I also want to update about my classes, how much I love my kids here, etc. But that too will have to wait! So check back later and I will describe all in more detail.

The History Post -- the old things that used to be on my blog

Accumulated on June 19, 2008, but backdated to May of 08 for viewing ease.

Some of the old blog-works that used to decorate the page of my experiences.






Jarabacoa is in the mountains in the middle of the island of Hispaniola. The weather here is generally warm and mild. The scenary is beautiful with tropical foliage as well as pine trees and other higher elevation flora. Jarabacoa is about a 45 minute car ride up the mountain from Santiago (which is the closest metropolitan area.)


Basic Information


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USA address:
Christina Rich c/o Sara Rich
11533 Five Cedars Rd.
Charlotte, NC 28226
Phone (available in DR)
704-323-5589
Email: Trisket876@gmail.com

For Financial Support please send monies to:
New Horizons Youth Foundation
Jarabacoa Christian School Staff Fund (Christina Rich)
701 S. Clinton Street, Suite 112
Fort Wayne, Indiana
46802

Packages and Mail can be sent to:
Jarabacoa Christian School
Christina RichUnit # 3039-ECDR
3170 Airmans Drive
Fort Pierce, Florida
34946

Vacation in Sosua

12 friends of mine from Charlotte came down to Sosua for a long weekend April 10th-14th and we had alot of fun. It was great to see everyone and nice to spend 3 days with no school work, no tests to grade, and not having to worry about the multitude of strange things that happen here in Jarabacoa. We played in the pool, layed on the beach, went snorkling, ate food, drank yummy tropical drinks and laughed alot. Here is a small piece of the fun.
The second morning I was there I went and found a hammock by myself, curled up with a copy of "The Book Thief" and enjoyed the sun and the sound of surf while I sat in silent contemplation. I took a picture of the hammock so that when I need to visualize a safe and quiet place, I can think of my time sitting there.
We saw the most beautiful sunsets there. Pictures do not do them justice.

Later that night we had seafood. I had snapper stuffed with salmon maybe...(???) I cannot remember, but it was very good. Probably didn't help that I had eaten quite a large snack at another resort restaurant 2 hours earlier.
Pool fun:

Our last night there we had italian and much fun occurred. Afterward Kyle and Jenn sang Karaoke. Then fooze ball then some time at the discotheque.

Our temporary visitor...

Rachel, Christy Elmer and I were eating leftovers on Thursday night during a thunderstorm. As the rain slowed we kept hearing a cat (sounded like a kitten) but could not figure out where the noise was coming from. Finally, after half an hour I went out to track down the mewing that was pathetic and insistent. I looked and looked and could not find the culprit. After about 10 minutes I found this:

So, we rescued it:


It appears to be ok. It is hanging out on our front porch and gets to come inside for an hour or two a day. A family here is supposed to take it (I told them God sent it to us in a rainstorm with instructions attached to pass it along to them) but they are being slow. We will find it a home at school on Monday. It will NOT remain with us. But, for the time being, it is cute.

being in the light

Last night I spent several hours awake gripped by fear and worry. While I have often struggled with worry, I do not often feel inhibited by fear. I am usually rather gregarious and willing to jump on a plane, a bus, a bike, whatever the adventure calls for. I am far more likely to pass up an adventure for fear of embarrassment than I am for fear of physical harm. The older I get, the more readily I sleep without concern for noises in the house, or concerns for personal safety. (I think this is in part because I have come to trust the wisdom of doing all that a person can do to be safe - lock doors, know your space, have emergency phone numbers, wear your seatbelt, etc. and past that to recognize the sovereignty of God.)
Last night I was gripped with an ominous foreboding. A fear of things that don't ever even cross my mind - silly things like losing a limb or car accidents or serious illness. Then, of course, it moved on to fear for my family, worries about getting home, concern for world events, etc. I recognize the power of night and darkness in confusing our perceptions and muddling our clear thinking. This was oppressive though. I spent several hours praying and listened to an 80 minute message by N.T. Wright twice. (That was a good thing, as I think I learned some apologetics I had not considered before.)
I don't know how to explain how oppressive this was. I thought several times of waking my roommate, of calling home...something, anything to reach out to someone else. I still feel groggy and hesitant today. Since daylight I have been trying to figure out what provoked these worries, these irrational, faithless concerns that caused me to shake with fear. These are the few conclusions I have reached:
1. Satan is attacking the JCS staff. I don't want to sound all Frank Peretti on anyone, but seriously, weird problems without apparent motives have been surfacing all over. The is a lack of willingness to take personal responsibility and a justifying of actions by misquoted biblical texts and the apparent blanket excuse of "I prayed about it". I think we can all fall prey to this kind of deception when we are under this much stress and confusion. 1 John talks about being in the light, and taking responsibility for our sins - asking forgiveness. I feel like many things here are in darkness. The need for secrecy in the body is a good example of darkness abiding, and when that is seen as normal and necessary, it makes me cringe for the evil we invite when we cloak our activities with darkness. But I also know that God is the one who brings things from darkness into light. (Job 12:21-23) And God has called us from darkness into light. (1 Peter 2:9). I do not quote these verses to imply that I am in the light, more to confess how often I find myself acting under the shadow of darkness, or of hopelessness and how urgently I desire the garbage to be scooped out of my soul and to be made clean by the purifying light of God's presence and love. But Satan, the father of lies, has been using the darkness here to his great advantage and turning believer against believer - making things that are circumstantial appear personal and blinding us to our true motives. It is painful and sad and humbling.

2. This past week was difficult. I had a difficult meeting on Wednesday which 'brought into the light' the inability for reconciliation to occur in some areas here. It grieves me, but still I have to check my own motives. I feel emotionally worn out and bleeding.
On Thursday we had a storm with power surges (apparently) and my computer power supply was fried. I hope that the computer itself was not damaged, but I will not know until I can obtain a new powersupply (which by God's grace will happen in the next week.) That same power surge, it appears, blew the compressor to our refrigerator. (Remember, this is the 3rd refrigerator we have had here.) So, no food - nothing that can spoil. No cold drinks, no jam even for peanut butter and jelly. We cannot keep leftovers and cannot have much fresh fruits or veggies (everything in our house molds so quickly.) It should not be a big deal, but it does really discourage on a daily basis.
On Friday a new and dear friend resigned her position at JCS. We NEED all the staff, and her leaving will be deeply felt. The amount of deception that occurred to let Satan pull this off has be baffled. We are one quarter from done with the school year and for the second time the administration has lost a math teacher. Something is seriously wrong. This is not how things are supposed to be done. Both of these math teachers were bilingual and knowledgeable. Yes, teaching at JCS takes some adjustment, but when personal grudges or preconceptions take the place of what is best for the students, it is hard to continue to respect those responsible for the lack of effective communication.
Yesterday (Sunday) I dropped the motorcycle in the road on the way to a friends house. I sustained a minorly skinned knee (Thank God I had on jeans!!!) and a bruised hand. The greatest damage was done to my ego, but I have to admit that I am in no hurry to get back on that horse (see again my normally gregariousness...this is unusual for me.)

I trust that God is good. That even if some great harm should befall me that He would be in control, but I felt last night that the angel of death was hovering at my shoulder or that the tribulation was upon me, and my ability to rationally and prayerfully consider things 'in the light' seemed to be withheld from me. In the daylight it should seem silly, but even so the fear lingers.

2 Timothy 1:7-10
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.