Drama at school & magnanimity

This school week has been full of drama. I write about it for two reasons:
1. so that those of you who read this can offer a prayer for the JCS staff and students that God will come and intersect our lives with His refocusing power so that the problems that distract us from eternity will fade away.
2. so that when I have left this place and am no longer burdened by these issues, that I will remember that 'this too shall pass' and that the entirely different problems I face then are just a reminder of the fact that God renews and changes both us and our circumstances.

The thing about drama is that it always seems to be about things blown way out of proportion to their real significance or severity in the course of our lives. I had a friend say to me the other week, and I think she was entirely correct, that even though I might not always 'cause' the drama, I am by nature a dramatic person. That I am sure feeds into things. Also, I realize that when I get passionate about something (which is almost always) I tend to use imperative language which offends or at the very least makes defensive those with whom I am disagreeing. Which brings me to my college-level word - magnanimity.

There are many words I have and can use to describe myself: intense, passionate, determined, opinionated, insightful, perseverant, adventurous, committed, responsible, inteligent, etc. I do not think that these are bad quailities...but I do think that while most of you read them you will agree that they are not the 'gentler' or quieter qualities. I have long since given up on being a 'quiet' person. Even when I speak very little I feel that my words are loud. So, I am praying for a new quality to be added to these: magnanimity. I want people to say, "yes, Magnanimous should be added to that list of attributes."

Dictionary.com defines magnanimous as:

1.
generous in forgiving an insult or injury; free from petty resentfulness or vindictiveness: to be magnanimous toward one's enemies.
2.
high-minded; noble: a just and magnanimous ruler.
3.
proceeding from or revealing generosity or nobility of mind, character, etc.: a magnanimous gesture of forgiveness.

I think, in my search for what is loving, that I can strive to embrace this word. I am going to write it on several sheets of paper and staple or tape it on my gradebook, my notebook, my bedroom wall, my 6th grade classroom. I want to be reminded to let my perceived injuries roll off my back, to not take people personally, to not feel the need for revenge. I want to be high-minded and noble. I want to be generous and forgiving. I want my students to look back and say, "Wow, Ms. Rich sure changed. She WAS magnanimous and fair in all her dealings." I know this might not happen in this year. I know that change is a slow process and we are all subject to set backs. having received a rather sharp reminder that my striving has yet produced perfection or even understanding I have to return again to a more simplistic attempt to pursue and convey love so today, for this week, for the month of March I want to work on magnanimity in the face of all the drama and conflict at school. I want to keep my mouth shut, my ears open, my mind willing to see another's perspective and most of all I want to be generous, kind and forgiving; selfless because I do not take things personally.

May God find my efforts humble and an offering to Him in His mighty greatness and may He be pleased to lift me up and support my ineptitude and inabilities so that HIS love might shine through me, and I might decrease.

Here is the brief synopsis of Holly’s trip from my perspective. There will be gaps, etc. but hopefully this will provide enough info to jog my memory when I start forgetting the details of our experiences. 2/22 – Holly arrived in Santiago Friday afternoon. Karen Speciale and I picked her up at the airport and brought her up to Jarabacoa. (2 cities visited) Holly, Rachel and I had dinner together at El Rancho down by the Caribe Tours station (both Holls and I had chicken crepes and they were yummiliscious.) We watched Luther that night and went to sleep to prepare for our beach trip in the morning.

2/23 – We got a late start due to my ineptness at gathering things together quickly. I am not nearly as efficient down here as I am at home (though I procrastinate and run late regardless of my geographical location) so we missed the 10 am bus to La Vega. We took a Gua-gua (sp?) from Jarabacoa to La Vega. (More about that interesting form of Dominican Transportation later.) We arrived in La Vega just after noon.

We thought there would be a bus to Sosua within 20 minutes according to the schedule, but we waited over 2 hours. Had a few miscommunications with the bus ticket person and the eventual bus driver but fought our way onto the bus and arrived in Sosua about 3 hours later where we took a taxi to Cabarete and checked into our hotel. Cabarete is on the North coast of the DR about 45 minutes from Puerto Plata. We had dinner on the beach where we ran into a few other teachers from JCS (they were kind enough to reserve our hotel room and save us some stress – Thanks Katie!)

I did not take any pictures of the hotel room we were in the first two nights, but it was nice. 2/24 - The next morning we got up and ate breakfast at a bakery called "Dick" (no 's as proper English would seem to imply - errrr..... anyway....)
and then laid on the beach and soaked up rays. Very gratifying. Beautiful day.

That night we went and sat at a nice little bistro and had mojito's and hummus while writing in our journals and just enjoying the warmth of the evening breeze. I like this picture of holly:

Later we ate and Jose O'shay's where we met a guy named Mike who was enjoying a long weekend away from the snow and bustle of New York. Though neither Holly nor I had the presence of mind to take a picture of him, he did take this one of us at the end of the night.

2/25 - We got up and bummed around for a few hours that morning. Sat by the pool and read, etc. Very nice and relaxing. Then we headed off for Sosua to see the beach down there.

We took a gua-gua again - this time a much shorter ride and quite funny. Catching a gua-gua requires standing on the side of the road and looking expectantly at the over-packed 13 passenger vans that come barrelling down the road overflowing with people. On our 5 rides, 21 passengers was the highest denisity we experienced. We wandered around and ended up at (unbeknownst to us) the beach that many of my friends will be visiting in April at the Casa Marina Resort:

These pictures do not do the beach justice. The water was so clear. It was gorgeous.

2/26 - We came back to Jarabacoa on the bus, etc. (5 cities so far) and then went to a dinner at the house of the parents of one of my 6th graders.

2/27-2/28 - I was horrendously sick and do not remember anything really other than the fever and the vomitting. UGGGGG! But Holls went to school and hung out with the kidlets.

2/29 - We went on the school field trip to Santo Domingo and visited the National Museum of Natural History, The Mercy Gate and The House of Diego Columbus (Christopher's son.) All very fun. Here are excerpts:

3/1 - We went and watched some of my 6th and 7th graders at baseball practice:

Then we went into town and Holly went to a concery and I babysay for some friends.
Which brings us to today, 3/2, when I am blogging all of the fun and excitement. Today we went to church then I went to school this afternoon to do some work. Holly flies back tomorrow morning and I will miss her ALOT. It has been fun! Too bad about my camera though. Mourning will begin tomorrow in the morning as is appropriate. And I will teach classes for the first time in a week and try not to murder my childrens.
Hasta Luego!

The Unbearable Awfulness of Being

Instead of pondering how short life is and how inconsequential (because we all know that on my darker days I can certainly go to that place) I instead offer you the truth of how easily we lose those things we value.

Friday I was on a field trip with the highschoolers in Santo Domingo. Although the day was quite nice, the museum was horrendously hot. I was carrying my bookbag, my camera and a bulletin I was using to fan myself with hopes of overcoming the nausea of stagnant air and second-rate displays. We were not allowed to tour the museum independently (though all we could have done was look since the Dominican distaste for reading extended to their displays so one probably would not have known what one was looking at anyway...except that the tour guide didn't really help answer that question either, but I digress) and the tourguide has gone down in my mind as the museum-nazi trying to enforce from her 5'4" 115 lbs stature the silence of 50 tremendously uncomfortable students who had just been cooped up on mini-vans for 3 hours. Museum-Nazi was rude if anyone even looked like they were going to make noise or move a step away (for a breath of air) from the person they were crammed next to. One of my students asked me to hold her notebook while she shifted some stuff around and in an effort to take her notebook and not drop what I was holding without awakening the dragon; I dropped my digital camera. The cord slipped right through my fingers and it his the floor with an obviously fatal smack - so far I have not been able to get it to turn on again.

Woe is me!!! I need a camera and my heart is broken into pieces inside because I can no longer send you picture and crappy videos via my blog. Please address all letters of sympathy and appropriate floral bouquets to my Dominican abode where I will be in deep mourning for at least a week (which will begin promptly as soon as Holly has taken her leave of me, for a hostess should not neglect her guest due to a loss; even one of such magnitude!)

Adios mi amor, mi cámara digital! I shall miss you!

So much to say

I have so much that I want to update. I have pictures from trips and visits and things that I want to say and show and tell about, but all that will have to wait for the moment.

The past two weeks have been extremely busy. Right now I am teaching 7 classes, and at the moment in 4 of them I am teaching areas of history that I do not have extensive knowledge in which makes preparation more tedious and time consuming. Tutoring, entertaining and household responsibilities have filled up the remainder of my schedule. Additionally, I am very excitedly anticipating the arrive of my friend, Holly, from the states. I am so excited about the encouragement and solace I expect to find in her time here with us. Both she and I have spoken of how excited we are to spend time in the Word and in prayer for each other during her time here. I look forward to what God is planning on teaching us through our fellowship.

School politics combined with the 'letters of intent' that are due next week have most of the American teaching staff on edge. We were told in this morning's meeting that there is a MANDITORY meeting of all JCS employees (really, they mean all American teaching staff) tomorrow night. Rachel and I have had plans for tomorrow night for over two weeks now and are really struggling with the question of whether to cancel them and go to the meeting or stand our ground and insist that the Board give to the American teachers the same respect they would expect from us. I have mentioned before that teachers here are little more than children's servants, expected that for a few measley dollars a month we should subject ourselves to all forms of inconsideration and humiliation. The bottom line to the whole issue is that although we all signed on to teach at a 'Christian school' what we are really teaching at is a school with Christian teachers, but a secular board. I have really struggled with not wanting to label the Dominican board members as 'non-believers' as only God knows their hearts and the relationship which they have with Him. The problem is that people will know we are Christians by our fruit and by the love we have for each other. With few notable exceptions what I have seen from the board are a lot of nice people who are pleasant to speak with, but who have no real substance or genuine desire to seek God's will for our lives. That being stated, is it even necessary to indulge in conjecture about their spiritual inheritance? Is it not enough to recognize that they are not pursuing a program of facilitating their teachers to more effectively spread the gospel and Word of God?

In summary, please please please pray for the staff and teachers at JCS. Please pray for the Board members and the students. Please pray that God will provide wisdom and will redeem what has been the greatest struggle since we arrived in the fall - disunity and miscommunication. Students watch our example without the discernment to understand who is speaking from right motives and who is self-seeking and they don't see the reasons behind the discord, just the noise from the discord itself. Please pray for us all!

in peace,

More thoughts on love, and our greatest Reward

Rachel and I listened to Tim Keller's sermon on Luke 15- Keller points out that 'the prodigal' son is a misnomer because the parable is about two sons and the father's love and forgiveness of them both; the first for disobedience and the second perhaps for pride.
I have often related better to the elder son - the one who served faithfully and felt unrewarded. Many of us have 'followed the rules' and served without feeling like we have received the reward or affirmation we have earned. From the 'reward' perspective the father in the parable (and by interpretation God) seems unjust and unconcerned about obedience. I have a hard time reconciling 'what you sow you will reap' or the parable of the talents to this rewarded delinquent scenario; it seems like the younger son had his cake and ate it too! My sympathy has always been with the older brother, and from man's perspective the story isn't fair! Why doesn't the older brother receive his reward?
Keller explains that both sons were guilty of a lack of love for the father. The first through rebellion, the second through a false righteousness that sought reward not relationship. They both missed out on relationship with their father and it was that relationship which was the true reward.
Perhaps the church in Corinth was not unlike these two brothers. The church struggled with corruption and immorality not unlike the younger brother but it also contained the older brother, arguing over whose gifts were greater and worth more recognition. The Apostle John makes a case for the first son lacking love (John 5:3-4) and Paul clearly addresses the lack of love of the second in 1 Cor. 13. Both the elder and the youger as well as the church in Corinth were missing out on the blessing of obedience because obedience without love is profitless and love without obedience is false.
I also consider the older brother's motivation. One could easily imagine him to be disdainful or bitter because his compassion is not for his brother who has humiliated his family through his folly. Instead of running to embrace his brother and inquire about his well being and welcome him home; the elder immediately takes offense at the father's display of affection. Regardless of any hypothetical history between the siblings, the clear answer is that the motive of the elder was not love. Nor was his confrontation of his father in such a public and ridiculous way. Perhaps the younger did not return from a motive of love, but he did present himself with humility. The self-justification of the elder might have been justified in the harm done him, but he forfeit the reward he claimed through the very way he claimed it.
Which brings us back to the application - the ultimate reward is our relationship with the Father who has given us all good things. It seems obvious that rebellion would hinder that relationship, but less obvious to the 20th century reader is the understanding that the older brother through rightness had distanced himself as far from the father as the younger. One might speculate that because the actions of the elder were done without love he missed out on the joy of the giving, and because love was not his motive, he could not accept the goodness with which his prodigal brother was received. Myself, similarly must wrestle with the motivation of my obedience and the recognition that my bitterness toward others I deem to be less deserving of good fortune only indicates my lack of love. I am not suggesting that we will accept every slight with no pang of frustration, nor that we place ourselves in situations where our temptations toward selfishness might draw us away from love, but that we consider how similar we all are in our sinfulness and that we refocus on our relationship with the Father as our greatest reward and that we judge our opinions of deserved reward by the measure of love, not gifting or self-sacrifice, etc.

what my dad said

Jay: I just got back from dinner at ryan's which reminded me of when you worked at quency's. And retail clothing, and up at wee hours to make bread, and managing million $ moves, and handling complex scheduling, and now endurng third world country conditions in an under-appreciated situation...sticking it out because you said you would. i THINK i HAVE FAILED to tell you often enough how proud I am of you and what you have done and continue to do. I love you.

that was worth more than a thousand dollar check! I think I can float through the next week now.

'the most excellent way'

It cannot be by mistake that Paul wrote the passage about the necessity of love in the middle of his explanation of spiritual gifts and their place in the body. I like the way that my NIV has the chapters sub-divided in 1 Corinthians; the passage on love starts with 1 Cor. 12:31b, "And now I will show you the most excellent way." It is a good reminder that the passage on love comes imbedded in a passage about the unity of the body of Christ and the importance of the variety of spiritual gifts. In the NASB 1 Corinthians 12:31 reads, "But earestly desire the greater gifts. And I show you still a more excellent way." The NLT says 'So you should earnestly desire the most helpful gifts. But now let me show you a way of life that is best of all."

There must be a reason that Paul sandwiched this passage about love into a larger conversation about diversity in the body of Christ and the necessity for the variety of gifts. He had just finished explaining that different gifts and roles in the church are like different parts of our physical bodies - all interconnected and necessary with those parts that look less exciting really deserving the greater praise. Paul seems to be appealing to the church in Corinth not to try to judge value or significance based upon the roles served in the church, and that regardless of the impressiveness or sacrifice of the gift, that without the perfection of love the sum total is nothing. Any gift plus love equals righteousness but any gift, no matter how great, without love is nothing.

When we start talking about love it is easy to be shallow, as ironic as that sounds. Sometimes I think it reads like a list and if we don't boast and we are appropriately compassionate when we see others hurting, then somehow we have passed the 'love' test. Obviously love is not a list of does and don'ts. I don't think that the list that Paul gives is exhaustive. I think he was trying to show that love is all encompassing and completely empty of man's sinful nature. Love is perfect. Anywhere that perfection exists, love is there. Love has no sin.

A call to live a life of love is nothing less than a call to live a life of perfection. But specifically Paul seems to speak of this most important quality in the companionship of the spiritual gifts. Some spiritual gifts seems to 'channel' love more easily. A gift of healing, for example, might seem to be imbedded with love - unseparable. But then I think of one of the most popular T.V. shows on television today about an irrascible doctor who seems concerned with everything but loving his patients, his staff members, his family. Other gifts seem to be more disposed to devalue the importance of love - gifts of discernment or wisdom or prophecy without love are fruitless. Perhaps that is why Paul gives the examples that he does,
Though I speak with the tongue of men and of angels and have not love then I am just making noise. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and understand mysteries and have inconceivable faith but I have no love then I am nothing. And if I give everything I have, every act of selflessness even to the point of death, but have no love I have gained nothing." The church at Corinth was arguing over spiritual gifts and it was like Paul was saying to them, "Stop, your arguing is pointless because you are all part of the body, and besides who cares if you are amazingly generous or think you have tremendous insight to the scriptures, if you are behaving unlovingly toward each other then your gifts are all wasted and don't matter at all!!!"

Furthermore, I would suggest that Paul is specifically speaking to the church in Corinth about how they were treating each other. It would hardly seem to matter to non-believers what spiritual gifts a member of the body of Christ claimed as their own. Those issues only matter inside the body. I can imagine Paul's letter being read and the addressees listening to his list about love and thinking of exactly the specific instances in which they were not acting lovingly toward each other. "Love is patient" (so we shouldn't fuss at each other when we don't 'get' some truth immediately?) love is kind (not vindictive), it doesn't envy (or covet another's gift), it is not proud (assuming my gift is greater than another's), it is not self-seeking (looking to have my accomplishments recognized), it keeps no record of wrongs (you mean, everytime someone else fails I am not supposed to hold it against them or justify my own poor behavior by theirs?) - instead love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and never runs out.

Sometimes in Christian communities we seem to be concerned about living the Christian life for the approval of others. Maybe it is a martyr complex or a desire to be found blameless in the eyes of a superior or a friend. Maybe a need for self-remonstration; an assuaging of guilt. But these all all inwardly focused and concerned with the effect of the action, not with the betterment of the object of the 'love' itself. In this line of reasoning I would separate 'acts of kindness' from true love. As mentioned before, there are things that we know we should do and so we do them - to satisfy the should; not because we are genuinely concerned with what is best for the object of the act. I think this is a very dangerous bandage because it looks so much like the real thing - like bandaids that are the color of skin so they are less noticeable to others. My acts of kindness can cover over the broken-ness in my soul and maybe then, from teh outside others cannot see how damaged I am inside. I am not in any way implying that acts of kindness are 'wrong' or that God cannot use them to genuinely benefit the receiver, but that according to Paul even if we were to give away everything we owned - including our bodies but did it outside of love then the result for us is empty and meaningless. I think these acts of kindness bottom out or souls. They cheapen our intentions and make worthless all our efforts and eventually we become discouraged and bitter that all the acts we have so 'sacrificially' done are leaving us unfulfilled and unsatisfied. We are unsatisfied because without love they profit us nothing.

I am in no way implying that all this soul searching guarantees immediate results - far from it. Our sinful flesh is by very nature self-seeking. And I think that even trying to be 'loving' can become an 'act of kindess'. (Again, I am not negating the ability God has to use these acts, but simply stating that we don't find genuine lasting satisfaction in such acts.) In really considering and praying over 1 Cor. 13 and what it needs to mean to my life, I am not even praying that God will make me loving as though I will lay aside 31 years of selfishness in one grand gesture and be pure in motive ever after. What I am praying this week, this month, this semester is that God will teach me to see my actions and motives for what they really are and to consider with heart-breaking honesty whether I am weilding my spiritual gift pointlessly for lack of love and whether the moments that i label 'love' are in fact genuinely concerned with the best for someone besides myself. When I hug that problem student in the morning am I really open for God to call me further into service to someone that grates on me? When I correct a student am I genuinely concerned for their well-being and maturity or am I trying to produce the end result of control? It shreds my gut to think of the number of times I have carried out the right action for the wrong reason (and of course the number of times I have committed the WRONG action for lack of thought!)

Anyway, I am still thinking through all of this. It is baffling, this concept of love. And, as my mother pointed out - you cannot imagine what all-forgiving love is until you have experienced it, and sometimes that experience does not preceed our call to perfection - and love is perfect. I don't know if I am getting any better at it. I can only pray that in seeking love I will find it. I think it is what God wants for me.

The trip on the way to Cabarete (Part 2 of the beach backwards)

The day before we went surfing we drove from Jarabacoa thru Moca to Cabarete. The drive is amazing. Moca itself is not that exciting - just a typical horrible traffic, chaotic Dominican city, but the drive up the mountains out of the valley on the way to the North coast is gorgeous. Santiago, La Vega & Moca lie in a valley between two huge mountain ridges. Jarabacoa is in the southern of these two. The beaches (Cabarete, Sosua, Puerto Plata, etc.) lie on the other side of the northern mountains. We stop at a little restaurant, El Molino de la Cumbre, to visit the 'facilities' and enjoy the view. Wow, you walk out onto their terrace and it is breathtaking. You can see the whole valley spread out before you. Taking a picture of it is kind of like taking a picture of the Grand Canyon (ok, maybe not quite that grand, but it is still startling.) I could see all the way over to the southern range where Jarabacoa sits nestled in some mountainous nook, but I don't think the pictures do the view justice. Anyway, here are my feeble attempts. (you can click on the images to see a larger version.)

War Wounds & Pila Monster

Surfing makes me sore.
This is how I feel about doing lesson plans this morning:


This is the cut on my foot - it doesn't look that bad, but here where I am not wearing protective foot wear but crocs and flipflops splashing through the mud I want to make sure it does not get infected.



On a happier note, this is my Pila monster:

The beach trip - backwards

Today I tried surfing for the first time.



1st attempt:
It shows my novice status to say, "it is harder than it looks!" No, Really??? I also understand now why almost all female surfers wear two piece suits. I thought my tighter speedo-type suit was a good choice, but unless you have a one piece that comes up to your collar bone it appears not. Everytime you push yourself up the board you end up pushing your swimsuit down. Oops!
Paddling with the board is hard work, as is keeping unshod feet from touching the ocean floor (which is only about 2 feet under your board for most of the trip out.) The greatest difficulty is wave after wave pelting you - and the fact that from perspective of flat on your belly on the board, it is hard to know when you have reached your ever changing destination.

2nd attempt:
This trip out was a little better. Wore my tank top - helpful. The surface was a little calmer but still managed to take in enough salt water to clean the sinuses. First wave I caught I got to my knees -- still haven't managed to stand. By the time I caught the last wave in -- which left me still about 30 feet from shore -- my arms were so tired I wasn't sure if I would be able to paddle in. Laid on the beach and procrastinated for an hour.

3rd attempt: Misty and I rallyed and decided to try one last time before turning in the boards. I paddled out and though the waves were calmer, it actually seemed harder. But this time at least the board felt comfortable under me, and I could position myself faster. Got better at steering it while paddling out, and learned a little better how to work with the waves. There wasn't really anything worth catching...nothing big enough for an inexperienced surfer like me (yes, I just laughed at that phrase) to catch and stand on. So I rode around on my belly for a while. My last trip out a big wave caught my board longways (instead of nose into the wave like one prefers) and rolled me pretty well, and I scratched up my foot on the bottom (and I think it is when I bruised my arm). It was fun, soooo much fun, but man am I tired.

Later we ate dinner on the beach (about a 10 minute drive from where we surfed.) You can see the bruise on the inside of my arm. All in all a wonderful day full of fun and good memories.