Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Friday, January 27, 2012
Volunteering
Because I have time on my hands and I want to invest my time in profitable ways, I am currently volunteering on Fridays at 24-7 Prayer Room Charlotte. This place is beautiful, aesthetically and missionally. There is a diversity of visitors that makes my heart smile and the peaceful quietness of being here refocuses my heart and desires. This is a great place to intercede and seek guidance. I am thankful that for this season I have the opportunity to be here and that by doing so I know that each week will have quiet and focused time to re-center.
Friday, January 2, 2009
God's love
feels like a hot shower. When you first step in it seems uncomfortable, and maybe your skin turns a little red, but after you get used to it, you know that you will never try to get clean any other way.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The end of the wait
Advent is a season of waiting. A time to recall how long the children of God did not know the answers to the prophecies. To consider how discouraged we get with waiting and how faithlessly impatient. Children understand waiting for Christmas. They are often obsessed with what they will get when on Christmas morning they rush to the tree to see what Santa or parents have left them. They understand anticipation and they live in a state of expectation.
As a believer I too often mimic the antagonist in Malachi 3:14 - "You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? 15 But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' " I don't live in a state of expectation but one of discouragement and disappointment. I understand the negativity shown by the Israelites. They had been awaiting a savior for a millenia and still they were oppressed and in bondage. Those who were righteous were outcast and those who sought their own good were exalted. Believing in justice must have seemed about as sensible for them as believing in Santa Claus is to adults. Sure, we would LIKE there to be a jolly old man who delivers our heart's desire once a year. We would like to be Virginia and believe there really is a Santa. We want to find, like George Bailey, that our lives really are wonderful and purposeful and precious. However, reality swoops in to remind us that there is no such person to 'fix' all our problems, we don't meet Clarences running around to remind us about angels and purpose and thankfulness. We come, as adults, to recognize there is no savior to deliver us from our oppressions.
The Israelites must have felt the same thing but so much more strongly. They had built their lives, their past-glories, their system of laws, their menus, their houses on the idea that following God's law would give them all their heart's desires. Their inability to abide by that law, to overcome their humaness led to constant oppression, enslavement, exile. Those who followed the law were lumped with those who didn't and continued obedience seemed guaranteed to reap more disappointment.
My heart aches for those faithful few who clung fast to their beliefs - those who wrote the scroll and pressed on towards the end of the waiting.
16 Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.
17 "They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. [a] I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. 18 And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not.
They would wait 400 years more through the Greek Empire, the conquests of Julius Caesar and into the Pax Romana before there was an inkling of fulfillment, and when it did come, it came not as a mighty warrior but as a small baby in a time when Herod was bitterly jealous and killing children who would rival his throne. In a time when the Roman government demanded that Caesar be recognized as the god-head of the empire and the political organization of Judea was changing through deposement and reassignment.
What seems important to me is that God was answering their prayers in a way far different than what they expected and 30 years before the slightest idea of a following was existant. A child is hardly an answer to centuries of injustice. A child doesn't make oppression cease. A child doesn't re-establish a kingdom, fill an old throne or promise justice and righteousness from that time forth and forever more. When God did fulfill his promise and a messiah was born, he looked nothing like a messiah. More waiting. The child would have to grow into a man.
Christ began his ministry at 30 years of age. He was a political dissident, questioned the religious authorities, and was alternately hated and adored by the fickle following drawn to spectacular stories and revolutionary teachings. The disciples did not get it at all. They were still looking for a warrior messiah, but this man rode into Jerusalem on a borrowed donkey. He stood before Pilate with neither bravado nor beligerance. He stopped Peter from physically protecting him when he was arrested. He was beaten beyond recognition and led to the cross without complaint. Like a lamb before the slaughter he was quiet and helpless. He died. This was the end to the waiting?
Three days the disciples cowered in fear, scurrying from place to place during the end of passover. Hiding in upper rooms with closed doors. The man who had taught to turn the other cheek had given up and what had turning the other cheek left them? Rending unto Caesar what was Caesar's, loving their enemies, living in humility - these had profited them no more than their ancestors in Malachi. The wicked prospered now more than ever. What now? More waiting?
A crowded room, a doubting Thomas. A reappearance. A risen Christ. Does this mean the end of the waiting? Many people saw Christ after his resurrection. More miracles. Then he left. The disciples almost to a person, church legend tells us, were slaughtered for their belief. The Roman empire sacked Jerusalem and burned it. The Israelites were physically exiled for another 1,879 years. Still, the nation waits for its warrior king.
At what point did the waiting end? We know that Christ's birth heralded the new kingdom. We know that His death fulfilled prophecy. We know that his resurrection sealed the new convenant that promised hope and deliverance to all who believe. But we, like children after all presents are unwrapped on Christmas morning, live in a state of disappointed expectation. The anticipation is no longer exciting, but wearying. We resign ourselves to wait until the emotion is renewed during the next Christmas season. But the truth is that regardless of our emotions or anticipations, the waiting IS over.
The waiting is over, and it has just begun. Where are our eyes? Like the faithless in Malachi do we live doubting the promise of justice. Are we discouraged as we plod through day after day of corruption? Are we the faithful few that write on the scroll of remembrance and hold fast to His return?
"Surely the day is coming; it will burn like a furnace. All the arrogant and every evildoer will be stubble, and that day that is coming will set them on fire," says the LORD Almighty. "Not a root or a branch will be left to them. But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall. Then you will trample down the wicked; they will be ashes under the soles of your feet on the day when I do these things," says the LORD Almighty.
"Remember the law of my servant Moses, the decrees and laws I gave him at Horeb for all Israel.
"See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse."
We live knowing that the waiting is over, and so we wait.
He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son." Rev. 21:5-7
As a believer I too often mimic the antagonist in Malachi 3:14 - "You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? 15 But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' " I don't live in a state of expectation but one of discouragement and disappointment. I understand the negativity shown by the Israelites. They had been awaiting a savior for a millenia and still they were oppressed and in bondage. Those who were righteous were outcast and those who sought their own good were exalted. Believing in justice must have seemed about as sensible for them as believing in Santa Claus is to adults. Sure, we would LIKE there to be a jolly old man who delivers our heart's desire once a year. We would like to be Virginia and believe there really is a Santa. We want to find, like George Bailey, that our lives really are wonderful and purposeful and precious. However, reality swoops in to remind us that there is no such person to 'fix' all our problems, we don't meet Clarences running around to remind us about angels and purpose and thankfulness. We come, as adults, to recognize there is no savior to deliver us from our oppressions.
The Israelites must have felt the same thing but so much more strongly. They had built their lives, their past-glories, their system of laws, their menus, their houses on the idea that following God's law would give them all their heart's desires. Their inability to abide by that law, to overcome their humaness led to constant oppression, enslavement, exile. Those who followed the law were lumped with those who didn't and continued obedience seemed guaranteed to reap more disappointment.
My heart aches for those faithful few who clung fast to their beliefs - those who wrote the scroll and pressed on towards the end of the waiting.
16 Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.
17 "They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. [a] I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. 18 And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not.
They would wait 400 years more through the Greek Empire, the conquests of Julius Caesar and into the Pax Romana before there was an inkling of fulfillment, and when it did come, it came not as a mighty warrior but as a small baby in a time when Herod was bitterly jealous and killing children who would rival his throne. In a time when the Roman government demanded that Caesar be recognized as the god-head of the empire and the political organization of Judea was changing through deposement and reassignment.
What seems important to me is that God was answering their prayers in a way far different than what they expected and 30 years before the slightest idea of a following was existant. A child is hardly an answer to centuries of injustice. A child doesn't make oppression cease. A child doesn't re-establish a kingdom, fill an old throne or promise justice and righteousness from that time forth and forever more. When God did fulfill his promise and a messiah was born, he looked nothing like a messiah. More waiting. The child would have to grow into a man.
Christ began his ministry at 30 years of age. He was a political dissident, questioned the religious authorities, and was alternately hated and adored by the fickle following drawn to spectacular stories and revolutionary teachings. The disciples did not get it at all. They were still looking for a warrior messiah, but this man rode into Jerusalem on a borrowed donkey. He stood before Pilate with neither bravado nor beligerance. He stopped Peter from physically protecting him when he was arrested. He was beaten beyond recognition and led to the cross without complaint. Like a lamb before the slaughter he was quiet and helpless. He died. This was the end to the waiting?
Three days the disciples cowered in fear, scurrying from place to place during the end of passover. Hiding in upper rooms with closed doors. The man who had taught to turn the other cheek had given up and what had turning the other cheek left them? Rending unto Caesar what was Caesar's, loving their enemies, living in humility - these had profited them no more than their ancestors in Malachi. The wicked prospered now more than ever. What now? More waiting?
A crowded room, a doubting Thomas. A reappearance. A risen Christ. Does this mean the end of the waiting? Many people saw Christ after his resurrection. More miracles. Then he left. The disciples almost to a person, church legend tells us, were slaughtered for their belief. The Roman empire sacked Jerusalem and burned it. The Israelites were physically exiled for another 1,879 years. Still, the nation waits for its warrior king.
At what point did the waiting end? We know that Christ's birth heralded the new kingdom. We know that His death fulfilled prophecy. We know that his resurrection sealed the new convenant that promised hope and deliverance to all who believe. But we, like children after all presents are unwrapped on Christmas morning, live in a state of disappointed expectation. The anticipation is no longer exciting, but wearying. We resign ourselves to wait until the emotion is renewed during the next Christmas season. But the truth is that regardless of our emotions or anticipations, the waiting IS over.
The waiting is over, and it has just begun. Where are our eyes? Like the faithless in Malachi do we live doubting the promise of justice. Are we discouraged as we plod through day after day of corruption? Are we the faithful few that write on the scroll of remembrance and hold fast to His return?
"Surely the day is coming; it will burn like a furnace. All the arrogant and every evildoer will be stubble, and that day that is coming will set them on fire," says the LORD Almighty. "Not a root or a branch will be left to them. But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall. Then you will trample down the wicked; they will be ashes under the soles of your feet on the day when I do these things," says the LORD Almighty.
"Remember the law of my servant Moses, the decrees and laws I gave him at Horeb for all Israel.
"See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse."
We live knowing that the waiting is over, and so we wait.
He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son." Rev. 21:5-7
Monday, November 10, 2008
Deut. 4:15-30
Part One - Idolatry Forbidden
Idolatry seems such a silly idea to most, we the intellectually enlightened who grasp that an infinite being certainly could not be contained in a block of wood or a pile of stone. How do we translate ancient scriptures about idolatry into our modern (or post modern)existence?
There are two things that stand out to me initially after a quick read of the text:
First, God was careful not to mislead the Israelites. Second, He promises hope even when they fail.
In verses 15 & 16 Moses reminds the wanderers that God did not reveal Himself to them at Mt. Horeb in a particular guise. Rather, he chose something without form or substance. Smoke and fire are what are referred to with the ascension of God to Mt. Sinai. (Ex. 19:18) And, as I think through the Old Testament, rare were the times that God took on any specific form as His representation. As I think, the one exception that appears clearly to me was the creation of the bronze serpent (there appears to be some arguement whether Nehushtan or the rod of Asclepius is the original symbol for medicine, btw, though I personally feel the legend of Asclepius' rod is because Nehushtan was already recognized as a healing symbol) Numbers 21. Interestingly, Hezekiah destroys the snake ( 2 kings 18:4) because the Israelites had been burning incess to it. The point is that God, through Moses, reminds the Israelites that He is not bound to a form nor has He chosen to represent Himself regularly through one form (the exception perhaps being a lamb.)
Furthermore, they are to watch themselves carefully that they do not slip into the habit of worshiping things instead of the creator. And Moses gets specific: not man, not animal, not bird and not even a heavenly body (perhaps specified because of the Egyptians religious preferences for the sun and moon, etc. especially since Moses then says "those [things] which the Lord your God has allotted to all the peoples under the whole heaven" as though to remind them of others who worship the sun and stars as though they alone had ownership of their existence.
v. 20 - a direct reference to Israel's removal from Egypt; calling Egypt the iron furnace. (My NASB cross references this with 1 Ki 8:51 & Jer. 11:4)Why was Egypt referred to as an iron or iron-smelting furnace? (an interesting article here) I guess it is the idea of the 'refiner's fire' coming into play again.(Also interesting is that the article places iron smelting in the 8th century B.C. but Moses might have lived in the 1600's B.C. and it is likely that Thothmes I could have brought iron-smelting from Asia...but I digress...)
v 21-22 seems to be Moses revisiting AGAIN his frustration (maybe even anger) at the Israelites over him not being allowed into the promise land. Having thought through this before I will continue on.)
V 23 - a reiteration of warning.
Idolatry seems such a silly idea to most, we the intellectually enlightened who grasp that an infinite being certainly could not be contained in a block of wood or a pile of stone. How do we translate ancient scriptures about idolatry into our modern (or post modern)existence?
There are two things that stand out to me initially after a quick read of the text:
First, God was careful not to mislead the Israelites. Second, He promises hope even when they fail.
In verses 15 & 16 Moses reminds the wanderers that God did not reveal Himself to them at Mt. Horeb in a particular guise. Rather, he chose something without form or substance. Smoke and fire are what are referred to with the ascension of God to Mt. Sinai. (Ex. 19:18) And, as I think through the Old Testament, rare were the times that God took on any specific form as His representation. As I think, the one exception that appears clearly to me was the creation of the bronze serpent (there appears to be some arguement whether Nehushtan or the rod of Asclepius is the original symbol for medicine, btw, though I personally feel the legend of Asclepius' rod is because Nehushtan was already recognized as a healing symbol) Numbers 21. Interestingly, Hezekiah destroys the snake ( 2 kings 18:4) because the Israelites had been burning incess to it. The point is that God, through Moses, reminds the Israelites that He is not bound to a form nor has He chosen to represent Himself regularly through one form (the exception perhaps being a lamb.)
Furthermore, they are to watch themselves carefully that they do not slip into the habit of worshiping things instead of the creator. And Moses gets specific: not man, not animal, not bird and not even a heavenly body (perhaps specified because of the Egyptians religious preferences for the sun and moon, etc. especially since Moses then says "those [things] which the Lord your God has allotted to all the peoples under the whole heaven" as though to remind them of others who worship the sun and stars as though they alone had ownership of their existence.
v. 20 - a direct reference to Israel's removal from Egypt; calling Egypt the iron furnace. (My NASB cross references this with 1 Ki 8:51 & Jer. 11:4)Why was Egypt referred to as an iron or iron-smelting furnace? (an interesting article here) I guess it is the idea of the 'refiner's fire' coming into play again.(Also interesting is that the article places iron smelting in the 8th century B.C. but Moses might have lived in the 1600's B.C. and it is likely that Thothmes I could have brought iron-smelting from Asia...but I digress...)
v 21-22 seems to be Moses revisiting AGAIN his frustration (maybe even anger) at the Israelites over him not being allowed into the promise land. Having thought through this before I will continue on.)
V 23 - a reiteration of warning.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Deuteronomy 4: 9-14
I am not going to lie, sometimes getting started on these passages of 'remember the law' seems a tedious undertaking, and such is this morning's portion.
In the previous passage Moses has just reminded the Israelites that keeping the law is key to keeping the land, and that through the law nations around them will recognize Israel's unique relationship with God.
V. 9 - "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them."
I think it is interesting that remembering 'what their eyes have seen' or their experiences is such a vital part of the command to keep the law. It is important enough that they are supposed to pass it down generation to generation so that those who did not share in the experience have the experience so firmly passed down that it becomes personal to them as well...emotional DNA, built into their government, culture and religion.
It reminds me of the lyrics (themesong, if you will) from the Fantastiks - "try to remember and if you remember, then follow, follow, follow." There is no doubt that remembrance of our human experiences affects how we react to our circumstamces and doubtless Moses (by way of God) knew this truth.
V. 10-13 - Moses then tells them a specific thing to remember - the giving of the Ten Commandments. He reminds them with specifics like the location, and the reason.
Mt. Horeb (Mt. Sinai) was the location where God gave the Israelites the 10 commandments. Moses reminds them what it looked like, sounded like, felt like, and perhaps even smelled like ("blazed with fire to the very heavens, with black clouds and deep darkness...You heard the sound of words but saw no form; there was only a voice.") This was one of the defining moments for the nation of Israel - the giving of the law which would set them apart and mark them as God's chosen people. It was following this law which identified them to the nations around them and throughout the ancient world. God wrote these laws down for them (providing a tangible reminder.)
At this point it seemed pertinent to read the passage where the Law was given : Exodus 19 & 20. I smile a little because while reading the passage Moses seems like the ringmaster at some grand three ring circus production. There was smoke and fire and trumpets and thunder and lightening. This was certainly a spectacle to be remembered. This was not some quiet Sunday morning gathering to be shuffled into the back of collective memory and grouped with a thousand other like experiences. This was a once in a lifetime (ok, once in a world's lifetime) event and it was going to be remembered! (Except that often it wasn't because humans are resillient forgetters.)
Which causes me to ponder how absolutely God has intervened in my life and how those moments have changed me and yet how easily I forget them when trouble comes.
V 14 - Then Moses reminds them that God instructed Moses to teach them the laws "you are to follow in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess." The giving of the Law was always focused on the possession of the Land and the fulfillment of the promise. Lately (the past two decades or so) it seems there has been a large focus on the Bible as narrative (a cohesive story that reads from beginning to end with God's overarching theme of redemption always as the lead story.) Passages like this remind me that God never forgets the subplots; never forgets the smaller promises and prepared Israel thoroughly not just for the day when the coming Messiah would return, but for every other step along the way: the law -> the land -> the Love.
TWO sidenotes that struck me deeply while reading through this passage. First, a reference to my discussion of the first verses from my Torah Portion where God again denies Moses entry to the land. In re-reading the events leading up to the giving of the Ten Commandments I found the passage where Moses DOES strike the rock at God's command (which seems to be different from the Numbers 20 passage.) Exodus 17: 1-7 which I have to admit does seem more God focused than Moses focused. So, there is more to ponder there - since the concept of God denying Moses what appeared to be a desire of Moses' heart does cause me to want more understanding than I currently have. (And, I might have to accept that not entering the land was part of Moses' story and not mine, so I might not get all the answers, though it seems that Biblical characters are there for our instruction and therefore perhaps we are to consider their portions and our portions with some comparison??? I dunno....)
The second sidenote was a 'you've got to be kidding me' moment. These occur regularly as I start to study more about Jewish commentaries and the New Testament. In looking up the Mt. Sinai situation (the multiple names for the same place, location disputes, etc.) I found an odd reference to a Jewish commentary about the mountain on Wikipedia. This phrase stuck out to me: "In Classical rabbinical literature, Mount Sinai became synonymous with holiness; indeed, it was said that when the Messiah arrives, God will bring Sinai together with Mount Carmel and Mount Tabor, rebuild the Temple upon the combined mountain, and the peaks would sing a chorus of praise to God." Little bells started going off in my head. Mt. Sinai - the mountain of the Law where Moses had gone to meet God. Mt. Carmel - where God again appears as fire to decimate the bull, the rocks and even the water in the ditch where Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal to a 'greatness of the gods' contest. And Mount Tabor - any guesses? Well, first and less significant: "In the days of Second Temple, Mount Tabor was one of the mountain peaks on which it was the customed to light beacons in order to inform the northern villages of holidays and of beginnings of new months." (According to Wikipedia.) But here is what you are going to find most significant. This is the mountain where God appeared as a cloud and again spoke to what we might consider a remnant of Israel regarding His plan for their salvation.
Here is where I made another important discovery - contrary to popular opinion, not everything is yet on the internet! Search as I may I could never find the Yalkut Shimoni in English. (There was one site that seemed to offer it for 29.95 but I am not sure in what language.) Here it is in Hebrew; make of it what you will. I need 391 which is the reference for the aforementioned commentary of the three mountains. The Yalkut appears to be a compilation of commentary from previous Hebrew scholars. I want to know if this prophecy or commentary originally predates Christ and whether it would have been common knowledge among scribes and Jewish scholars in the first century. (As it appears the prophecy was in fact fulfilled. Comments, anyone?)
Ok. Enough exploration for now. More to follow certainly! Grace and Peace.
In the previous passage Moses has just reminded the Israelites that keeping the law is key to keeping the land, and that through the law nations around them will recognize Israel's unique relationship with God.
V. 9 - "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them."
I think it is interesting that remembering 'what their eyes have seen' or their experiences is such a vital part of the command to keep the law. It is important enough that they are supposed to pass it down generation to generation so that those who did not share in the experience have the experience so firmly passed down that it becomes personal to them as well...emotional DNA, built into their government, culture and religion.
It reminds me of the lyrics (themesong, if you will) from the Fantastiks - "try to remember and if you remember, then follow, follow, follow." There is no doubt that remembrance of our human experiences affects how we react to our circumstamces and doubtless Moses (by way of God) knew this truth.
V. 10-13 - Moses then tells them a specific thing to remember - the giving of the Ten Commandments. He reminds them with specifics like the location, and the reason.
Mt. Horeb (Mt. Sinai) was the location where God gave the Israelites the 10 commandments. Moses reminds them what it looked like, sounded like, felt like, and perhaps even smelled like ("blazed with fire to the very heavens, with black clouds and deep darkness...You heard the sound of words but saw no form; there was only a voice.") This was one of the defining moments for the nation of Israel - the giving of the law which would set them apart and mark them as God's chosen people. It was following this law which identified them to the nations around them and throughout the ancient world. God wrote these laws down for them (providing a tangible reminder.)
At this point it seemed pertinent to read the passage where the Law was given : Exodus 19 & 20. I smile a little because while reading the passage Moses seems like the ringmaster at some grand three ring circus production. There was smoke and fire and trumpets and thunder and lightening. This was certainly a spectacle to be remembered. This was not some quiet Sunday morning gathering to be shuffled into the back of collective memory and grouped with a thousand other like experiences. This was a once in a lifetime (ok, once in a world's lifetime) event and it was going to be remembered! (Except that often it wasn't because humans are resillient forgetters.)
Which causes me to ponder how absolutely God has intervened in my life and how those moments have changed me and yet how easily I forget them when trouble comes.
V 14 - Then Moses reminds them that God instructed Moses to teach them the laws "you are to follow in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess." The giving of the Law was always focused on the possession of the Land and the fulfillment of the promise. Lately (the past two decades or so) it seems there has been a large focus on the Bible as narrative (a cohesive story that reads from beginning to end with God's overarching theme of redemption always as the lead story.) Passages like this remind me that God never forgets the subplots; never forgets the smaller promises and prepared Israel thoroughly not just for the day when the coming Messiah would return, but for every other step along the way: the law -> the land -> the Love.
TWO sidenotes that struck me deeply while reading through this passage. First, a reference to my discussion of the first verses from my Torah Portion where God again denies Moses entry to the land. In re-reading the events leading up to the giving of the Ten Commandments I found the passage where Moses DOES strike the rock at God's command (which seems to be different from the Numbers 20 passage.) Exodus 17: 1-7 which I have to admit does seem more God focused than Moses focused. So, there is more to ponder there - since the concept of God denying Moses what appeared to be a desire of Moses' heart does cause me to want more understanding than I currently have. (And, I might have to accept that not entering the land was part of Moses' story and not mine, so I might not get all the answers, though it seems that Biblical characters are there for our instruction and therefore perhaps we are to consider their portions and our portions with some comparison??? I dunno....)
The second sidenote was a 'you've got to be kidding me' moment. These occur regularly as I start to study more about Jewish commentaries and the New Testament. In looking up the Mt. Sinai situation (the multiple names for the same place, location disputes, etc.) I found an odd reference to a Jewish commentary about the mountain on Wikipedia. This phrase stuck out to me: "In Classical rabbinical literature, Mount Sinai became synonymous with holiness; indeed, it was said that when the Messiah arrives, God will bring Sinai together with Mount Carmel and Mount Tabor, rebuild the Temple upon the combined mountain, and the peaks would sing a chorus of praise to God." Little bells started going off in my head. Mt. Sinai - the mountain of the Law where Moses had gone to meet God. Mt. Carmel - where God again appears as fire to decimate the bull, the rocks and even the water in the ditch where Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal to a 'greatness of the gods' contest. And Mount Tabor - any guesses? Well, first and less significant: "In the days of Second Temple, Mount Tabor was one of the mountain peaks on which it was the customed to light beacons in order to inform the northern villages of holidays and of beginnings of new months." (According to Wikipedia.) But here is what you are going to find most significant. This is the mountain where God appeared as a cloud and again spoke to what we might consider a remnant of Israel regarding His plan for their salvation.
Here is where I made another important discovery - contrary to popular opinion, not everything is yet on the internet! Search as I may I could never find the Yalkut Shimoni in English. (There was one site that seemed to offer it for 29.95 but I am not sure in what language.) Here it is in Hebrew; make of it what you will. I need 391 which is the reference for the aforementioned commentary of the three mountains. The Yalkut appears to be a compilation of commentary from previous Hebrew scholars. I want to know if this prophecy or commentary originally predates Christ and whether it would have been common knowledge among scribes and Jewish scholars in the first century. (As it appears the prophecy was in fact fulfilled. Comments, anyone?)
Ok. Enough exploration for now. More to follow certainly! Grace and Peace.
Monday, June 30, 2008
His portion
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
...They want to tell me You're cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...
Cause He loves us,
Oh how He loves us.
Oh how He loves us.
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.*
-- John Mark MacMillan
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
...They want to tell me You're cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...
Cause He loves us,
Oh how He loves us.
Oh how He loves us.
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.*
-- John Mark MacMillan
my portion thoughts, findable later
Deut 3:21-29
v 21 - the two kings were Sihon, King of Heshbon (Deut. 2:24-32) & Og, King of Bashan (Deut. 3:1-11).
With Sihon, Moses offered peace for safe passage through the land, but Sihon refused because God had made his spirit stubborn. (v 29) I find this interesting because Moses offered the 'right' or peaceful alternative but God arranged the spirit of his advesary to offer war instead. Then Israel passed through the land and destroyed everything - men, women, children. The saved the livestock and took it with them. They did not touch the land of the Ammonites.
Og's kingdom met with the same fate and again Israel took the livestock with them.
Both victories were examples of God's provision for Israel in the face of unthinkable odds. 3:5 mentions that the cities were fortified - not easily conquerable as nomadic settlements might be.
v 22 - "Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you."
v 23-25 - Moses pleads with God for entry into the promise land.
v 26-29 - God told Moses that he should stop asking; however, God did grant Moses a view of the land and told him where to go to see it. He instructed Moses to commission Joshua to lead the people to inherit the land that God had promised them.
In the early 1700's Matthew Henry wrote a commentary on the Old Testament, The Gospels and Acts. Here is what he had to say about the text:
The part that puzzles me here is why Moses is told to stop asking for what we assume is the desire of his heart - to enter the land. After leading the Israelites out of Egypt and then wandering for 40 years, you would think that Moses 'deserved' to enter the Promised Land. But Moses had disobeyed God's instruction because of lack of trust (stated by the text) so God denied him entry into the Promised Land. (Numbers 20:1-13). I do not understand why Moses striking the rock instead of speaking to it as commanded levied upon him such punishment. God's accusation against Moses is that Moses did not trust God enough to honor Him as holy in the sight of the Israelites. (v. 12) Matthew Henry's commentary points us back to v. 10 and the pride of Moses:
Perhaps Moses was told to stop making his request to enter the land because it was in response to a punishment handed down by God because of Moses' pride and lack of faith. We are told to bring all things to God in prayer and make all requests and petitions known to Him, but perhaps once He has spoken definitively on the issue we are to accept His answer.
I appreciate Matthew Henry's summary of the Deut. text. This beginning of my Torah Portion reminds me again of the provision of God and the necessity that I accept my portion even when it does not appear to be what I desire. God still provided hope for Moses - though not of actual entry. Moses saw the land that God promised to give to Israel. Moses' eyes beheld the fulfillment of that promise, and in faith He believed that God would do all that He said that He would.
Hebrews 11:26 says,
And he saw his perceived reward (if only from a distance) but did not receive his reward (in a sense) because his story (his portion) was bigger than his single life. His portion stretched through the kingship of David, the captivity in Babylon, the time of the prophets, the promise in Malachi 4 and the promise of a Messiah, the Mount of Transfiguration, all the way through Hebrews 11:40 where the writer says, "God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." And in some sense, I share my portion with Moses and he with I in the inheritance we have been promised that has not yet seen fulfillment.
v 21 - the two kings were Sihon, King of Heshbon (Deut. 2:24-32) & Og, King of Bashan (Deut. 3:1-11).
With Sihon, Moses offered peace for safe passage through the land, but Sihon refused because God had made his spirit stubborn. (v 29) I find this interesting because Moses offered the 'right' or peaceful alternative but God arranged the spirit of his advesary to offer war instead. Then Israel passed through the land and destroyed everything - men, women, children. The saved the livestock and took it with them. They did not touch the land of the Ammonites.
Og's kingdom met with the same fate and again Israel took the livestock with them.
Both victories were examples of God's provision for Israel in the face of unthinkable odds. 3:5 mentions that the cities were fortified - not easily conquerable as nomadic settlements might be.
v 22 - "Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you."
v 23-25 - Moses pleads with God for entry into the promise land.
v 26-29 - God told Moses that he should stop asking; however, God did grant Moses a view of the land and told him where to go to see it. He instructed Moses to commission Joshua to lead the people to inherit the land that God had promised them.
In the early 1700's Matthew Henry wrote a commentary on the Old Testament, The Gospels and Acts. Here is what he had to say about the text:
Verses 21-29 Moses encouraged Joshua, who was to succeed him. Thus the aged and experienced in the service of God, should do all they can to strengthen the hands of those who are young, and setting out in religion. Consider what God has done, what God has promised. If God be for us, who can be against us, so as to prevail? We reproach our Leader if we follow him trembling. Moses prayed, that, if it were God's will, he might go before Israel, over Jordan into Canaan. We should never allow any desires in our hearts, which we cannot in faith offer up to God by prayer. God's answer to this prayer had a mixture of mercy and judgment. God sees it good to deny many things we desire. He may accept our prayers, yet not grant us the very things we pray for. It God does not by his providence give us what we desire, yet if by his grace he makes us content without, it comes to much the same. Let it suffice thee to have God for thy Father, and heaven for thy portion, though thou hast not every thing thou wouldst have in the world. God promised Moses a sight of Canaan from the top of Pisgah. Though he should not have the possession of it, he should have the prospect of it. Even great believers, in this present state, see heaven but at a distance. God provided him a successor. It is a comfort to the friends of the church of Christ, to see God's work likely to be carried on by others, when they are silent in the dust. And if we have the earnest and prospect of heaven, let these suffice us; let us submit to the Lord's will, and speak no more to Him of matters which he sees good to refuse us.
The part that puzzles me here is why Moses is told to stop asking for what we assume is the desire of his heart - to enter the land. After leading the Israelites out of Egypt and then wandering for 40 years, you would think that Moses 'deserved' to enter the Promised Land. But Moses had disobeyed God's instruction because of lack of trust (stated by the text) so God denied him entry into the Promised Land. (Numbers 20:1-13). I do not understand why Moses striking the rock instead of speaking to it as commanded levied upon him such punishment. God's accusation against Moses is that Moses did not trust God enough to honor Him as holy in the sight of the Israelites. (v. 12) Matthew Henry's commentary points us back to v. 10 and the pride of Moses:
Verses 1-13 After thirty-eight years' tedious abode in the wilderness, the armies of Israel advanced towards Canaan again. There was no water for the congregation. We live in a wanting world, and wherever we are, must expect to meet with something to put us out. It is a great mercy to have plenty of water, a mercy which, if we found the want of, we should more own the worth of. Hereupon they murmured against Moses and Aaron. They spake the same absurd and brutish language their fathers had done. It made their crime the worse, that they had smarted so long for the discontent and distrusts of their fathers, yet they venture in the same steps. Moses must again, in God's name, command water out of a rock for them; God is as able as ever to supply his people with what is needful for them. But Moses and Aaron acted wrong. They took much of the glory of this work of wonder to themselves; "Must we fetch water?" As if it were done by some power or worthiness of their own. They were to speak to the rock, but they smote it. Therefore it is charged upon them, that they did not sanctify God, that is, they did not give to him alone that glory of this miracle which was due unto his name. And being provoked by the people, Moses spake unadvisedly with his lips. The same pride of man would still usurp the office of the appointed Mediator; and become to ourselves wisdom, righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption. Such a state of sinful independence, such a rebellion of the soul against its Saviour, the voice of God condemns in every page of the gospel.
Perhaps Moses was told to stop making his request to enter the land because it was in response to a punishment handed down by God because of Moses' pride and lack of faith. We are told to bring all things to God in prayer and make all requests and petitions known to Him, but perhaps once He has spoken definitively on the issue we are to accept His answer.
I appreciate Matthew Henry's summary of the Deut. text. This beginning of my Torah Portion reminds me again of the provision of God and the necessity that I accept my portion even when it does not appear to be what I desire. God still provided hope for Moses - though not of actual entry. Moses saw the land that God promised to give to Israel. Moses' eyes beheld the fulfillment of that promise, and in faith He believed that God would do all that He said that He would.
Hebrews 11:26 says,
"He[Moses] regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward.
And he saw his perceived reward (if only from a distance) but did not receive his reward (in a sense) because his story (his portion) was bigger than his single life. His portion stretched through the kingship of David, the captivity in Babylon, the time of the prophets, the promise in Malachi 4 and the promise of a Messiah, the Mount of Transfiguration, all the way through Hebrews 11:40 where the writer says, "God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." And in some sense, I share my portion with Moses and he with I in the inheritance we have been promised that has not yet seen fulfillment.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Possessing my Portion
Have you ever noticed that when you learn a new word it seems to pop up everywhere? I have found in my life that often when I hear a new Word it works this same. This week's Word was Psalm 73. Kurt spoke about this passage at Warehouse 242 this past Sunday. His focus was to impress upon us all the significance of the portion which God has given to us, and the loss we experience when we consider the portion of others with envy and ignorance. He gave two beautiful examples of portion (one positive and one humblingly relate-able negative example)and how our portion and our inheritance is certain and it is enough. (You can hear Kurt's message here.)
This past year has provided a lot of time to reflect on my portion. To recognize that my portion may not be 'large' by the standards of others, but it is enough. There are so many 'criteria' that I impose upon God about what portion I will accept - perhaps I can only accept my portion if it includes marriage or if it includes the right job, or if it includes recognition, etc. When all my regular comforts and identifiers were distanced from me (my eloquence, my independence, my friendships, my social position, my material possessions)I realized that although those 'portions' might mean something to me, or to my peers they meant nothing to God. The portion that concerns Him is that which He has given me. My comfort should come in my certainty that my portion (regardless of how it may appear) is enough!
Asaph's Psalm more perfectly expresses my year than anything I can write here. I was at the end of my spiritual rope. I felt I had tied a knot and was hanging on with my fingernails to the belief that God would provide for me. With self-loathing and bitterness I watched the wicked around me prosper while I felt left behind and forgotten by the Savior around whom my life had been shaped. Asaph felt the same thing as a Levite relying on the obedience of the tribes of Israel for his 'portion' or his provision; as an obedient follower, he felt he had followed fruitlessly and was bitter and frustrated with God. Asaph realized, however, that although he could not change the world around him he could rely on God to remain faithful and hold onto him whether he [Asaph] understood his circumstances or not.
"As for me, it is good to be near God." God has given me a portion far greater than any I could compare myself to in shallow envy. I can seek self-satisfaction and find myself always oppressed by my circumstances, or I can recognize that God has a portion for me that is enough that I will never lack.
Tuesday night I attended a city-wide singles worship service called Charlotte One and the passage shared was Psalm 139 which seemed the perfect next step to my ponderings about my 'portion'. My portion is mine because God knows me! He knows me intimately down to the words on my tongue! He has prepared my portion for me because His heart is good; because he is the only one who has the right to do so - because He is God and He is the only one who knows me fully, the only one who ever would have the ability to know me fully, even so much better than I know myself.
As I ponder this word 'portion' I have a conversation with a friend about Messianic Judaism and she mentions to me that when she was in Jerusalem over her 30th birthday, she learned what her Torah 'portion' was. Every year the Torah (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers & Deuteronomy) is read (in weekly readings) during services and the same reading falls on the same week every year (according to the Jewish not he Gregorian calendar). The portion read during your brithday is your Torah Portion. There is also a corresponding Haftarah (the scriptures from the prophets, etc.) Before I muddle this too greatly, let me point you to a few sites where you can find your Torah portion:
The one that my friend Kaite suggested to me is found here,but I also found a site that provided a little more information on Jewish Birthdays here and some additional information on how your birthday and portion is determined here.
My Torah portion is VaEtchanan, Deuteronomy : 3:23-7:11 and my Haftarah portion is Isaiah 40:1 - 40:26. I have not had time to really ponder the Torah portion - it is the section where God forbids Moses to cross the Jordan, gives Israel the Ten Commandments, restates the authority of God, sets aside cities of refuge and gives instruction for entering the land.( here is some info about the passage and the Jewish holidays, etc. surrounding it.) The Haftarah portion is the very famous passage in Isaiah about Comforting Israel & God's greatness. (Which, incidentally leads me to ponder a message I heard by N.T. Wright talking about that passage.)
There will be more postings about portions as I practice possessing my portion and considering it with thankfulness. (and possibly some electronic media artwork as ponderance and practice.)
This past year has provided a lot of time to reflect on my portion. To recognize that my portion may not be 'large' by the standards of others, but it is enough. There are so many 'criteria' that I impose upon God about what portion I will accept - perhaps I can only accept my portion if it includes marriage or if it includes the right job, or if it includes recognition, etc. When all my regular comforts and identifiers were distanced from me (my eloquence, my independence, my friendships, my social position, my material possessions)I realized that although those 'portions' might mean something to me, or to my peers they meant nothing to God. The portion that concerns Him is that which He has given me. My comfort should come in my certainty that my portion (regardless of how it may appear) is enough!
Asaph's Psalm more perfectly expresses my year than anything I can write here. I was at the end of my spiritual rope. I felt I had tied a knot and was hanging on with my fingernails to the belief that God would provide for me. With self-loathing and bitterness I watched the wicked around me prosper while I felt left behind and forgotten by the Savior around whom my life had been shaped. Asaph felt the same thing as a Levite relying on the obedience of the tribes of Israel for his 'portion' or his provision; as an obedient follower, he felt he had followed fruitlessly and was bitter and frustrated with God. Asaph realized, however, that although he could not change the world around him he could rely on God to remain faithful and hold onto him whether he [Asaph] understood his circumstances or not.
"As for me, it is good to be near God." God has given me a portion far greater than any I could compare myself to in shallow envy. I can seek self-satisfaction and find myself always oppressed by my circumstances, or I can recognize that God has a portion for me that is enough that I will never lack.
Tuesday night I attended a city-wide singles worship service called Charlotte One and the passage shared was Psalm 139 which seemed the perfect next step to my ponderings about my 'portion'. My portion is mine because God knows me! He knows me intimately down to the words on my tongue! He has prepared my portion for me because His heart is good; because he is the only one who has the right to do so - because He is God and He is the only one who knows me fully, the only one who ever would have the ability to know me fully, even so much better than I know myself.
As I ponder this word 'portion' I have a conversation with a friend about Messianic Judaism and she mentions to me that when she was in Jerusalem over her 30th birthday, she learned what her Torah 'portion' was. Every year the Torah (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers & Deuteronomy) is read (in weekly readings) during services and the same reading falls on the same week every year (according to the Jewish not he Gregorian calendar). The portion read during your brithday is your Torah Portion. There is also a corresponding Haftarah (the scriptures from the prophets, etc.) Before I muddle this too greatly, let me point you to a few sites where you can find your Torah portion:
The one that my friend Kaite suggested to me is found here,but I also found a site that provided a little more information on Jewish Birthdays here and some additional information on how your birthday and portion is determined here.
My Torah portion is VaEtchanan, Deuteronomy : 3:23-7:11 and my Haftarah portion is Isaiah 40:1 - 40:26. I have not had time to really ponder the Torah portion - it is the section where God forbids Moses to cross the Jordan, gives Israel the Ten Commandments, restates the authority of God, sets aside cities of refuge and gives instruction for entering the land.( here is some info about the passage and the Jewish holidays, etc. surrounding it.) The Haftarah portion is the very famous passage in Isaiah about Comforting Israel & God's greatness. (Which, incidentally leads me to ponder a message I heard by N.T. Wright talking about that passage.)
There will be more postings about portions as I practice possessing my portion and considering it with thankfulness. (and possibly some electronic media artwork as ponderance and practice.)
Friday, June 20, 2008
returning to time away at home
it was a long year away, of that i am sure. in hindsight, i see that it is true that a person can endure almost anything for a year; and despite the unbelievable frustrations, i don't feel that i just survived - i feel i learned.
a lesson is only as good as the length of time that its knowledge is retained. if it took 10 months for me to begin to hold the information God was heaping upon me, how horrible will it be to forget it as soon as the familiar again becomes comfortable.
life comes at you so quickly, especially stateside. media images are everywhere -- i had to ask my parents (who run the t.v. most of the time - watching FOX News) if i could please turn the t.v. off -- music is fine; but the visual images become noise in my brain.
sometimes people and places can become the same kind of noise. sometimes my thoughts alone crowd my head to the point that i am over stimulated (which might answer why i am up writing this blog after midnight.) the t.v. i can turn off - people and my thoughts...that is a bit harder. where is the balance between accepting too much input and holing yourself away and experiencing none.
this is a critical thing to ponder when i put it in real context - that of my quiet time and my prayer life. when there are so many people and so much stimulation it is hard to get away and consider prayer. friends are so much 'easier' to talk to than God. o.k. - i get it, that is a funny thing to say...but my external processing mechanism seems to work with people, where it seems to just be additional internal processing when i pray UNLESS i can stop the other input and focus on the Father. but will i take the time to do so?
one thing is certain to me about the lessons i learned in the D.R. - i will only retain them as long as God remains my focus and my anchor. input and images become idols as soon as they de-seat the Father from the throne He deserves. one of the ways that happens in my life is through over-socialization. being busy socially fills my felt need for quality time with the Father. i recognize that not everyone is built the same way i am; some folks do not replace God with other folks. maybe it is the particular burden of external processors to seek advice from others when they should be spending time with the Father. *shrug* i dunno, but i do know that people, in some form or other, often become my idols.
it is an amazing testimony to my sinfulness that i can known this, and still choose to do what i know is not good for me, nor best, nor most pleasing to God. even as I type this i can think of half a dozen things that i would rather do than quiet my heart and go before the Father. it is really all about instant gratification - talking to others makes whatever issue or topic i am discussing seem more manageable and meaningful. i think this is a valuable tool but i also think it can keep me from what 'feels' like a less prompt pay-off, namely prayer.
God has not shown Himself to be on my schedule so far in my life. usually when i bring something to Him he does not provide an apparent(ly positive) answer to my inquiry in anything that would look to me like a timely fashion. God works according to His own schedule, and that makes me want to dig in my heels and chat with folks who (if from no other reason than politeness) have to respond to me in some way immediately. in fairness, however, were God to write on my wall the answer to whatever inquiry i have brought before Him undoubtedly i would have rationalized it away or argued its interpretation to the point that it was no longer divine at all -- but just as mundane and unknowable as the future always feels from the present.
time management is the beast i have yet to slay. the land i have yet to conquer. (more on the 'land' idea later.) perhaps, how i handle my time is the thing i need to be spending the most time handling -- especially in prayer. so here i go - with less than worthy excitement but more than priceless need to take my concerns (from lesson retention to time management) before the Father to ask Him to bless me though I am undeserving and teach me though I am slow to change.
a lesson is only as good as the length of time that its knowledge is retained. if it took 10 months for me to begin to hold the information God was heaping upon me, how horrible will it be to forget it as soon as the familiar again becomes comfortable.
life comes at you so quickly, especially stateside. media images are everywhere -- i had to ask my parents (who run the t.v. most of the time - watching FOX News) if i could please turn the t.v. off -- music is fine; but the visual images become noise in my brain.
sometimes people and places can become the same kind of noise. sometimes my thoughts alone crowd my head to the point that i am over stimulated (which might answer why i am up writing this blog after midnight.) the t.v. i can turn off - people and my thoughts...that is a bit harder. where is the balance between accepting too much input and holing yourself away and experiencing none.
this is a critical thing to ponder when i put it in real context - that of my quiet time and my prayer life. when there are so many people and so much stimulation it is hard to get away and consider prayer. friends are so much 'easier' to talk to than God. o.k. - i get it, that is a funny thing to say...but my external processing mechanism seems to work with people, where it seems to just be additional internal processing when i pray UNLESS i can stop the other input and focus on the Father. but will i take the time to do so?
one thing is certain to me about the lessons i learned in the D.R. - i will only retain them as long as God remains my focus and my anchor. input and images become idols as soon as they de-seat the Father from the throne He deserves. one of the ways that happens in my life is through over-socialization. being busy socially fills my felt need for quality time with the Father. i recognize that not everyone is built the same way i am; some folks do not replace God with other folks. maybe it is the particular burden of external processors to seek advice from others when they should be spending time with the Father. *shrug* i dunno, but i do know that people, in some form or other, often become my idols.
it is an amazing testimony to my sinfulness that i can known this, and still choose to do what i know is not good for me, nor best, nor most pleasing to God. even as I type this i can think of half a dozen things that i would rather do than quiet my heart and go before the Father. it is really all about instant gratification - talking to others makes whatever issue or topic i am discussing seem more manageable and meaningful. i think this is a valuable tool but i also think it can keep me from what 'feels' like a less prompt pay-off, namely prayer.
God has not shown Himself to be on my schedule so far in my life. usually when i bring something to Him he does not provide an apparent(ly positive) answer to my inquiry in anything that would look to me like a timely fashion. God works according to His own schedule, and that makes me want to dig in my heels and chat with folks who (if from no other reason than politeness) have to respond to me in some way immediately. in fairness, however, were God to write on my wall the answer to whatever inquiry i have brought before Him undoubtedly i would have rationalized it away or argued its interpretation to the point that it was no longer divine at all -- but just as mundane and unknowable as the future always feels from the present.
time management is the beast i have yet to slay. the land i have yet to conquer. (more on the 'land' idea later.) perhaps, how i handle my time is the thing i need to be spending the most time handling -- especially in prayer. so here i go - with less than worthy excitement but more than priceless need to take my concerns (from lesson retention to time management) before the Father to ask Him to bless me though I am undeserving and teach me though I am slow to change.
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